Thursday, March 31, 2011

Heartbroken and disappointed

As you know I am currently in Bahrain with my husband and son. The situation here has been precarious to say the least and some days it has been downright scary.
For weeks now, there have been tanks on every corner and masked men with guns everywhere. While coming out of the grocery store Christopher and I were affected by tear gas in the air. I don't recommend it. Due to having a tourist passport, I am supposed to leave the country for a few hours every 28 days to renew my visa. Normally that would not have been a problem, but with travel restrictions, we are concerned about being able to get back home on any given day. I was supposed to fly to Dubai last weekend, but because of protests, we were on lock down and told not to go near the airport at all.
Chris and I have been discussing the possibility of myself and Christopher returning to the States. Many factors have come into play here and we have finally made a decision.
I have decided to leave Bahrain and go back to Virginia and I am devastated. My heart is breaking and some days I feel like I can't breathe. I have been crying for days and I am still not sure I have made the right decision. I have never been torn like this on any decision in my entire life. I have always been indecisive, but when it comes to major life decisions, I ALWAYS know what I want. I go with my gut. This time, it is not that easy.
I want to stay here with my husband, but I have to think of my son. He and I are literally couped up in our house for days or weeks at a time. We are not allowed to go out in town and many places are closed or off limits. Essential travel only is recommended. My son, who is a social butterfly, has not been able to make friends because there are no friends to be found. I wouldn't let him out of my sight even if there were. He is homesick and WANTING to leave.
I am also tired of being stuck at home all the time and feeling unsafe. I do miss my friends and family, but I would be willing to suck all of that up to be able to be here with Chris.
We were supposed to be here until August and Chris is not due home until December. I have to separate and uproot our lives once again and it kills me. I am not ready to leave yet.
I am still torn and wondering if we have made the right decision.
This has been a roller coaster of a year and I feel like I am plummeting to the end.
I am completely heartbroken and disappointed :*(

Friday, March 25, 2011

Art is My Meditation

Life here in Bahrain has not been very enjoyable lately. Due to protests and violence we have basically been on lock down. We have been advised to stay home and stay away from any 'activity.' Since I am not sure what I am allowed to say I have not been online much and I have to keep many thoughts to myself when I am online. I hate having to censor myself in this way, but our safety is more important than my opinion.

The upside to being couped up in my house is that I have had a good bit of time for arting :)I spend hours playing with paint, collage, stamps and gel medium.

Art is my meditation. My brain slows down,I am able to relax and I just lose myself in the process.

Art journaling has given me so much more than I ever could have expected. I never thought I would learn so much about who I am. I never thought I would heal so many wounds or experience so much forgiveness. My eyes and my heart are open and I am changing. I am learning to fogive myself for things that I have done, but more importanly, for things that I had no control over. I am learning to accept myself and love myself and I never thought that was possible.

My skills improve with every page and my creativity is really starting to blossom. I find myself thinking of new ideas all through out the day and I have several projects in mind for the coming months. The first of those projects is an altered book that I will begin working on today. It will be a tribute book using several techniques that are new to me. I will post pics to share my progress.

I also got an email with some VERY exciting art news, but I have to wait a few more days before I can share that secret.

On a side note,I have finally linked my blog to my Flickr account. Now all of my images can be viewed in one convenient spot :D

Now, I am off to work on my altered book!