Thursday, March 31, 2011

Heartbroken and disappointed

As you know I am currently in Bahrain with my husband and son. The situation here has been precarious to say the least and some days it has been downright scary.
For weeks now, there have been tanks on every corner and masked men with guns everywhere. While coming out of the grocery store Christopher and I were affected by tear gas in the air. I don't recommend it. Due to having a tourist passport, I am supposed to leave the country for a few hours every 28 days to renew my visa. Normally that would not have been a problem, but with travel restrictions, we are concerned about being able to get back home on any given day. I was supposed to fly to Dubai last weekend, but because of protests, we were on lock down and told not to go near the airport at all.
Chris and I have been discussing the possibility of myself and Christopher returning to the States. Many factors have come into play here and we have finally made a decision.
I have decided to leave Bahrain and go back to Virginia and I am devastated. My heart is breaking and some days I feel like I can't breathe. I have been crying for days and I am still not sure I have made the right decision. I have never been torn like this on any decision in my entire life. I have always been indecisive, but when it comes to major life decisions, I ALWAYS know what I want. I go with my gut. This time, it is not that easy.
I want to stay here with my husband, but I have to think of my son. He and I are literally couped up in our house for days or weeks at a time. We are not allowed to go out in town and many places are closed or off limits. Essential travel only is recommended. My son, who is a social butterfly, has not been able to make friends because there are no friends to be found. I wouldn't let him out of my sight even if there were. He is homesick and WANTING to leave.
I am also tired of being stuck at home all the time and feeling unsafe. I do miss my friends and family, but I would be willing to suck all of that up to be able to be here with Chris.
We were supposed to be here until August and Chris is not due home until December. I have to separate and uproot our lives once again and it kills me. I am not ready to leave yet.
I am still torn and wondering if we have made the right decision.
This has been a roller coaster of a year and I feel like I am plummeting to the end.
I am completely heartbroken and disappointed :*(


  1. oh sweetheart, this must be so so difficult for yo all. i would feel utterly torn as well. is there no way Chris can come back too? that would be my preferred option. i send you love and strength during this difficult time. x

  2. I hope you find peace in this struggle, sweetie. This is heartbreaking news. Hopefully a posting will come up soon where you can be together and safe at the same time. Meanwhile, good luck on your move and getting settled again. You're doing what you have to for the safety of your little guy. It's the right choice, babe. I'm so proud of you. <3

  3. We were caught in Zaire when Mobutu nationalized the copper mines. Thanks to the brave American consul in our province, our family was on the last plane out. I can understand what you are saying. You and your family are in my prayers, especially for safety and that Chris will be able to leave either with you or soon after.
    Love, me

  4. My heart aches for you! What a tough decision, but for the safety and well-being of your son, I heartily concur that you're right to put him first. I will keep hope alive that an option will come up soon for you to all be together and not have to separate. XOXO

  5. I'm so very sorry, Edie, but I am proud of you for making the hard - and right - choice. You and your son's safety must come first [and from the sound of it, your son's quality of life]. I know it's a big upheaval but you and hub could never have foreseen the probs in that part of the world unfolding as they have in recent weeks. Maybe when things settle down, and with the support of friends and family at home, you might be able to have a short trip back to visit hub and break up the time until he comes home himself, eh? You never know. Chin up, hun, it will all work out for the best. *hugs you* <3

  6. Oh, I am so sorry that you have to make this tough decision. Many hugs to you, Chris, and Christopher. I wish nothing but the best and safety for all of you.

  7. This sounds like such a difficult time for you torn between safety for you and your son and being with your hubby ... Torn between life as a whole family and being seperated for some a mum i feel you've probably had to make that decision that our 'gut maternal instinct' tells us to do for a reason keep your son hard for you but it will work out you'll get throught this love and hugs to you x